Do you mind conversations about zombie ninja pirates?
How about debates about the newest things in science?
Do you like Monty Python? Are you musical at all?
Can you manage to be lewd without losing your class at all?

Because… I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please.
It’s mostly for great company and not those birds and bees,
So I’d like a boyfriend please.
(Y’know, if it’s not too much trouble)

Are you fussy about food?
Are you considerate or rude?
Do you like cats (No, not for dinner)?
Are you taller? Fatter? Thinner?
(Could you possibly put up with my ridiculous ideas?)

Do you think this drawing’s great?
What kinds of people do you hate?
Are you kind and are you stable?
Are your hands above the table? (*Bad Experience)

Because… I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please.
I’m obviously too fussy, but I’d like one that’s a tease.
Yep, I’d like a boyfriend please.
(Or maybe I’m closing my mind too much)

I shouldn’t be so picky about gender.
But instincts have a stranglehold on me.
It shouldn’t be my fate, to pro-cre-ate;
There are already too many fish in the sea.

Anyway… if we’re going to be so ridiculously politically correct about it…
Might as well include everybody…

I’d like a girlfriend please,
I’d like a girlfriend please,
And if you’re unsure, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Leave judgements and criticisms at the door.

You could be hetero- or homo-
It’s no problem; I’m no phobe- Oh.
I just have one more thing to say…

Though, theoretically, I’ve no preference,
Logic didn’t get the reference.
So… I’d still probably like a boyfriend please.

(Apply now with your CVs.)

Lyrics to “The Boyfriend Song" ©Hannah Sterry 2011. All rights reserved.