I was wondering if I could create a useless alternative to the Nato Phonetic Alphabet, so I decided to give it a go (with a little help from the internet, friends and a pencil that claims to be 100% wool and has the instructions “DRY CLEAN ONLY” printed on it).

Anyway, here is the Non-Phonetic Alphabet:

A – Aether, Aisle, Auxiliary
B – Bdellium
C – Czar, Ctenophore
D – Djembe
E – Euro, Eye, Eight, Eiderdown, Euthanasia
F – ???
G – Gnat
H – Honour
I –   ???
J –  Jalapeño
K –  Knee, Knight
L –  Llanelli
M – Mnemonic
N – Nguyen
O – Oestrogen, One, Oujia
P – Pneumatic, Pterodactly, Phlegm, Phonetic
Q – Quiche
R – Rzeznik
S – Sgraffitto
T – Tsunami
U – Uighur, urushiol
V – ???
W – Write, Wrap, Wrestle
X – Xylophone
Y – Yvonne, Yreka, Yttrium
Z – Zaragoza

Use it to annoy people in call centres at your own risk.

My name is Hannah, spelt H for honour, A for aisle, N for Nguyen…
The name is also a palindrome so you should be able to spell the rest by yourself.

If you’ve got better ones, just comment and I’ll add them to the list.

I’ll be really impressed if you find any good ones for F, I, L, N, R, S, U, V, Y and Z!