“When I’m Killin’ Zombies!” – George Formby Parody Song

Zombie cartoon clipart: "Our Love Will Survive" by ~l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l

When I’m Killin’ Zombies

*To the tune of “When I’m Cleanin’ Windows” by George Formby.

Now I go killin’ zombies to keep m’self alive

Wandering round the suburbs with me handy MP5

Now it’s a job that don’t suit me

But zombie killer you would be

If you could see the hell I see

When I’m killin’ zombies

Armageddon’s just a blast!

If only virus worked that fast

The things I do to save me arse

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

The zombie bride, she looks divine

The groom escaped her just in time

A wedding’s just a battle line

When I’m killin’ zombies

The living dead just want your brains

Don’t care for your cash or chains

The streets run red until it rains

When I’m killin’ zombies

The virus claimed this camera guy

Who ate the brains of Stephen Fry

Who knew the dead could quote QI?

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

Undead walking side by side

Arms outstretched and eyes all wide

There’s no emotion left inside

When I’m killin’ zombies

—— Instrumental ——

This living nightmare ain’t no fun

I’d never leave without my gun

Won’t stop until the battle’s won

When I’m killin’ zombies

My comrade clutches his behind

Got bitten on his… never mind

Natural selection isn’t kind

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

A zombie staggers down the street

One head shot and that guy’s dead meat

I’ll shoot ‘em back until I’m beat

When I’m killin’ zombies

When I’m killin’ zombies

——————————

Lyrics to “When I’m Killin’ Zombies” ©Hannah Sterry 2013. All rights reserved.

Some people write love songs. I write about the zombie apocalypse. Fair’s fair.

The Boyfriend Song: Lyrics Only

Aimez-vous l'accent? - French music cartoon gif by Hannah Sterry

The Boyfriend Song

Do you mind conversations about zombie ninja pirates?
How about debates about the newest things in science?
Do you like Monty Python? Are you musical at all?
Can you manage to be lewd without losing your class at all?

Because…
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please!
It’s mostly for great company and not those birds and bees,
So I’d like a boyfriend please!
(Y’know, if it’s not too much trouble)

Are you fussy about food?
Are you considerate or rude?
Do you like cats (no, not for dinner)?
Are you taller? Fatter? Thinner?

(Could you possibly put up with my ridiculous ideas?)

Do you think this drawing’s great?
What kinds of people do you hate?
Are you kind and are you stable?
Are your hands above the table?

Because…
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’m obviously too fussy, but I’d like one that’s a tease.
Yep, I’d like a boyfriend please!
(Or maybe I’m closing my mind too much)

I shouldn’t be so picky about gender.
But instincts have a stranglehold on me.
It shouldn’t be my fate, to pro-cre-ate;
There are already too many fish in the sea.

Anyway…
If we’re going to be so ridiculously politically correct about it…
Might as well include everybody…

I’d like a girlfriend please!
I’d like a girlfriend please!
And if you’re unsure, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Leave judgements and criticisms at the door.

You could be hetero- or homo-
It’s no problem; I’m no phobe- Oh.
I just have one more thing to say:

Though, theoretically, I’ve no preference,
Logic didn’t get the reference.

So… I’d still probably like a boyfriend please.
(Apply now with your CVs.)

Lyrics © Hannah Sterry 2012
Music to follow…

———————————————————

I feel I should point out that I have a lovely boyfriend (and a ridiculous sense of humour), so please don’t take this seriously – it’s just a bit of fun! This is a poem/song I’d forgotten about and unearthed as I was trying to clear up the mess of files on my computer with names like “idea”, “another thing” and “messing about”.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this post anyway! Let me know what you think in the comments!