“When I’m Killin’ Zombies!” – George Formby Parody Song

Zombie cartoon clipart: "Our Love Will Survive" by ~l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l

When I’m Killin’ Zombies

*To the tune of “When I’m Cleanin’ Windows” by George Formby.

Now I go killin’ zombies to keep m’self alive

Wandering round the suburbs with me handy MP5

Now it’s a job that don’t suit me

But zombie killer you would be

If you could see the hell I see

When I’m killin’ zombies

Armageddon’s just a blast!

If only virus worked that fast

The things I do to save me arse

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

The zombie bride, she looks divine

The groom escaped her just in time

A wedding’s just a battle line

When I’m killin’ zombies

The living dead just want your brains

Don’t care for your cash or chains

The streets run red until it rains

When I’m killin’ zombies

The virus claimed this camera guy

Who ate the brains of Stephen Fry

Who knew the dead could quote QI?

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

Undead walking side by side

Arms outstretched and eyes all wide

There’s no emotion left inside

When I’m killin’ zombies

—— Instrumental ——

This living nightmare ain’t no fun

I’d never leave without my gun

Won’t stop until the battle’s won

When I’m killin’ zombies

My comrade clutches his behind

Got bitten on his… never mind

Natural selection isn’t kind

When I’m killin’ zombies

In my profession I’ll work hard

But I’ll never stop

I’ll kill these blasted zombies

Until I’ve had me lot

A zombie staggers down the street

One head shot and that guy’s dead meat

I’ll shoot ‘em back until I’m beat

When I’m killin’ zombies

When I’m killin’ zombies

——————————

Lyrics to “When I’m Killin’ Zombies” ©Hannah Sterry 2013. All rights reserved.

Some people write love songs. I write about the zombie apocalypse. Fair’s fair.

Give me jobs in the shire, keep me working!

Smeaton's Tower is the third and most notable Eddystone Lighthouse. It marked a major step forward in the design of lighthouses. In use until 1877, it was largely dismantled and rebuilt on Plymouth Hoe in the city of Plymouth, Devon, where it now stands as a memorial to its designer, John Smeaton, the celebrated civil engineer. Photo by Hannah Sterry.
Smeaton's Tower is the third and most notable Eddystone Lighthouse. It marked a major step forward in the design of lighthouses. In use until 1877, it was largely dismantled and rebuilt on Plymouth Hoe in the city of Plymouth, Devon, where it now stands as a memorial to its designer, John Smeaton, the celebrated civil engineer. Photo by Hannah Sterry.
Smeaton’s Tower: Lightouse on Plymouth Hoe.
Photo by Hannah Sterry.

Give me jobs in the shire, keep me working.
Give me jobs in the shire, I pray.
Give me jobs in the shire, keep me earning,
‘Cos I can’t afford the rent with no pay.

End recession!
End recession!
End recession or we’ll all be stuck.

End recession!
End recession!
This economy is all messed up.

 

I might get told off for this, but I’ve posted it anyway. It’s not meant in disrespect and if you’re offended, just remember that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting things in the world to be better. “Give Me Oil In My Lamp” is a really catchy tune too.

And… if anyone’s hiring I’m looking for jobs in Plymouth (UK) and would love to hear from you!

#LocalPeoplePoems – A Community Project!

My bus driver’s brilliant, he draws the best cartoons, He likes his folky music and he’s always whistling tunes! Even on the stressful days, he’ll always smile and joke, So if you see him, say hello, ‘cos he’s a jolly nice bloke! #LocalPeoplePoems

I’ve decided to start a new blog to celebrate everyone who makes me smile! It’s called #LocalPeoplePoems, because there are so many nice people in this area, I like writing silly things and I decided that short poems would be the best way to do that!

If anyone wants to join me and write or send in their own #LocalPeoplePoems, please send them in, comment, tweet with the #LocalPeoplePoems hashtag, write them on post-it notes or just send them to people to show that you appreciate them! If you like I’ll post them on the blog (anonymously or with credit – as you choose).

In true Blue Peter style, here’s one I made earlier (click here to visit the new blog)!

My bus driver’s brilliant, he draws the best cartoons, He likes his folky music and he’s always whistling tunes! Even on the stressful days, he’ll always smile and joke, So if you see him, say hello, ‘cos he’s a jolly nice bloke!  #LocalPeoplePoems

Let me know what you think of the idea! x

The Boyfriend Song: Lyrics Only

Aimez-vous l'accent? - French music cartoon gif by Hannah Sterry

The Boyfriend Song

Do you mind conversations about zombie ninja pirates?
How about debates about the newest things in science?
Do you like Monty Python? Are you musical at all?
Can you manage to be lewd without losing your class at all?

Because…
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please!
It’s mostly for great company and not those birds and bees,
So I’d like a boyfriend please!
(Y’know, if it’s not too much trouble)

Are you fussy about food?
Are you considerate or rude?
Do you like cats (no, not for dinner)?
Are you taller? Fatter? Thinner?

(Could you possibly put up with my ridiculous ideas?)

Do you think this drawing’s great?
What kinds of people do you hate?
Are you kind and are you stable?
Are your hands above the table?

Because…
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’d like a boyfriend please!
I’m obviously too fussy, but I’d like one that’s a tease.
Yep, I’d like a boyfriend please!
(Or maybe I’m closing my mind too much)

I shouldn’t be so picky about gender.
But instincts have a stranglehold on me.
It shouldn’t be my fate, to pro-cre-ate;
There are already too many fish in the sea.

Anyway…
If we’re going to be so ridiculously politically correct about it…
Might as well include everybody…

I’d like a girlfriend please!
I’d like a girlfriend please!
And if you’re unsure, it doesn’t matter anymore.
Leave judgements and criticisms at the door.

You could be hetero- or homo-
It’s no problem; I’m no phobe- Oh.
I just have one more thing to say:

Though, theoretically, I’ve no preference,
Logic didn’t get the reference.

So… I’d still probably like a boyfriend please.
(Apply now with your CVs.)

Lyrics © Hannah Sterry 2012
Music to follow…

———————————————————

I feel I should point out that I have a lovely boyfriend (and a ridiculous sense of humour), so please don’t take this seriously – it’s just a bit of fun! This is a poem/song I’d forgotten about and unearthed as I was trying to clear up the mess of files on my computer with names like “idea”, “another thing” and “messing about”.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this post anyway! Let me know what you think in the comments!

Ants & Ogden Nash

Leafcutter Ant by Hannah Sterry
Leafcutter Ant by Hannah Sterry
Leafcutter Ant Illustration

‎”The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious.

So what.

Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid.”

~Ogden Nash

I have to write some music to accompany this. It might be my favourite assignment of the year (Ogden Nash has written so many brilliant, short, witty poems).

The picture on the right is a pencil sketch I did a few years ago; ants (and other insects) are good fun to draw.

Anyway, Happy New Year to you all and hello to any fellow Open University students!

~Hannah

Tears

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